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2020.08.04 19:42 McConica2000 A vent about my life

First off, I'm ambivalent about advice. This is more so a vent than anything. Secondly, trigger warning for topics of mental health, mild abuse, possible sexual assault, and self-harm.


When I was 14, I was hospitalized for wanting to hurt myself or end it. I don't remember how long I was there because it blurred together. I believe it was Sunday to Wednesday but I'm not positive. They said I had bipolar since my mother and great grandmother were diagnosed with it. They believed that since it was their diagnosis, it was mine as well. They didn't really... dig very deep into me? They put me on medication to treat bipolar and it caused my depression to get worst. I remember the last night there, I was feeling vulnerable and went to the common room because I didn't want to sit in my room alone. Another girl looked at me and said, "you don't belong here. You haven't done anything." Meaning, I didn't belong in the mental hospital because I had never self-harmed or attempted suicide. I was afraid of doing those things. I recognized how that would impact the rest of my life and how it would leave permanent reminders. I recognized that self-harm and suicide would be a choice I wouldn't be able to go back on. So I talked to my mom, who I had a close relationship with at the time. I talked to my mom because I was scared. Just because I didn't do anything, didn't mean I didn't deserve help. I remember snapping at that point. I scratched myself with a comb. I screamed into a pillow and punched it. I lashed out against myself and the furniture around me. I remember going to the nurse's station, telling them, and calling my mom. I don't remember what I said but according to my parents, I screamed and swore at my mother on the phone, saying she dropped me off there because she didn't want to take care of me and deal with me. I vaguely recall my dad coming onto the phone, after hearing me scream, saying if I ever talk to his wife again, there would be trouble. At least, something along those lines. I don't really remember.
After getting home, I started regular meetings with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My parents were supportive. At first. I don't know when or why but something changed. They got tired of me? Or upset? I'm not sure. I remember constantly being in the counseling office while in 8th grade. I couldn't handle being in the classroom. My heart, bones, and everything else were too heavy to move and learn. I was too emotionally exhausted from trying to survive to try and learn. I remember one day I had used a thumbtack and scratched my arm. I told the counselor right away, and of course, my parents got a phone call. I remember getting home, sitting at the kitchen table, and being screamed at by my dad. He screamed at me for scratching my arm. He screamed at me and asked what I got from it and why I did it. I remember screaming back that I didn't know. I remember feeling so hopeless and alone and small. I remember it from a 3rd person perspective where I'm standing behind myself as my dad and I scream at the top of our lungs at one another.
Maybe that was the turning point? Maybe that's when I stopped trusting them and turning to them. I honestly don't know but over time, I started realizing I didn't trust them enough to talk to them. I shut it in and pushed it down until I got to my therapy sessions. I remember repeating myself over and over that it felt like my parents expected me to be better because I was on medicine. I said it so many times I felt like a broken record. Yet, they didn't hear me. I don't understand why they didn't hear me.
As time went on and I got older, I made some bad decisions. Like most teenagers. My first boyfriend, at the age of 15, had been a guy I had liked and basically been with since 13. He was abusive. He was emotionally manipulative. I was a stupid kid and didn't trust my parents so I didn't talk to them. The turning point with that relationship was when the boyfriend shot me in the leg with an airsoft gun. He was about 10 to 15 feet from me and the airsoft gun had CO2 in it (i.e. compressed gas). My leg instantly blistered. It hurt. He shot me because I had laughed when his dad shot at him with a different airsoft gun and got hit in the back and back of the head. He told me to stop laughing but I couldn't. He got mad. I remember sitting out the next few rounds of the airsoft war he, his friends, and I were having because my leg hurt. I remember telling my parents that it was an accident. I lied but didn't really know why. It was a week later when I told my cousin the truth, in front of my mom and the rest of my family. I don't know why I did that either. My mom went outside and I remember begging her not to worry and that it was fine. I remember telling her there was nothing wrong but she looked a little distant and said something about being sorry and she should have seen the signs. My parents forced us apart. They told me I wasn't allowed to talk to him or anything. It was at that point I became aware of a group of spies in our high school. I tried talking to the boy once and was approached by another girl in our class, asking if she needed to tell my dad. It was at that point I became scared and paranoid. I think it might be why I have anxiety that people are watching me and judging me now in retrospect.
I remember my dad coming into my room one afternoon and started screaming at me about the boy. According to my mom, the boy had messaged my dad and said they were emotionally abusive and I was going to run away and never talk to them again. I had never told the boyfriend that nor had I implied or said what he claimed. My dad and I screamed at one another. I don't remember much of it but I remember feeling small. I wanted to hide or crawl into a hole. The boy was horrible but so was my parent's response to it.
My second boyfriend was abused by me. Physically and emotionally. I still feel horrible about how I treated him. After some time, we became friends again. Even 4 or 5 years later I apologize whenever our time together comes up. He always tells me its okay, he forgives me, and to let it go. For some reason, I can't seem to do that. I can't seem to forgive myself for becoming so... despicable. No one likes to admit they are the bad guy in someone else's story. Especially when they were SO horrid. I left bruises on that poor man. I treated him so horribly. I don't deserve the forgiveness and friendship he gave me but because he did, I am so grateful for it. I have made sure to not repeat those behaviors and do my best to recognize when what I'm doing may cross into the abusive territory.
From #2 I jumped straight to #3. He implied he could help me. He implied that he could fix me. While life continued happening, I still struggled with feeling numb. Hollow. Empty. Alone. It was during my junior year of high school (16/17 years old). My anxiety had gotten so bad just being in the building gave me an anxiety attack. I had to do my schooling on a laptop and sit in my room. I remember being so afraid of everything I didn't like leaving my room to even talk to my parents. I started dating boyfriend #3 after talking for a while. He introduced me to BDSM and different sub-communities. I used it as a way to move my responsibilities to take care of myself onto him. Expecting him to take care of me. Expecting him to tell me what to do. I started a kink account on Instagram that gained almost 300 followers. I thought I was so mature. Then, one day, walking home from school, I got a gut feeling my parents would check my phone when I got home. I kinda shrugged it off and ignored it. Part of me wishes I hadn't but part of me is glad I did because I was right. I got home, they demanded I hand over my phone, and they went through it. They went through all my messages and social media accounts. Everything. They found the kink account. They found sexually explicit texts and images between me and the boyfriend. The police got involved and then so did the school because some of my friends had become involved with the BDSM sub-communities I was in. I remember sitting in a conference room at the high school with the principal, the school police officer, and my parents. I was scared. I felt cornered, isolated, and alone. I spilled my guts. I told them who I knew was involved. I told them information that had been given to me in secret. I didn't understand at the time how what we were doing was dangerous. I didn't understand that being minors, we would be easy targets for disgusting people. I didn't understand the concept of pedophiles and grooming. I didn't understand it was possible to be manipulated and getting into that situation without realizing it. I only recently realized just how scary and dangerous that situation was.
I remember being grounded. I remember having all social medias deleted and my electronics were taken. I remember being told I wasn't allowed to leave the house but had free reign in it. I was allowed to sit in my room and do things not involving electronics. I remember slowly earning my parent's trust. In the beginning, I wasn't allowed to be home alone. They took me everywhere. Slowly, I was allowed to be home. And still being in love with boy #3, I would sneak down to the family computer, log in, and message him on google hangouts. Then, when I was done, I'd log off and remove my account from the list as well as remove the history of me being there online. Then one day I got sloppy. Mom and I had to do something online and we got onto the computer and there was my account. She asked me what it was, I said I didn't know, and I was busted. I got grounded to the kitchen table. I wasn't allowed to leave the kitchen table unless I was doing chores, going to the bathroom, or going to bed. I wasn't allowed to sleep either. I was grounded majority of 2017. I don't fault my parents for doing it. I do think, had they actually talked to me instead of yelling and punishing me right away, I would have responded differently.
I remember diving into Christianity at that point. I had nothing else. I was cut off from my friends. I was cut off from the outside world since it was summer vacation. I read the Bible and dove into it. I had hope and felt better about things. Of course, my Christian parents were skeptical it caused an actual change. Looking back, I'm not sure if it did or not. My therapist once described it as me using Christianity as a "get out of jail free" card. As in, when I wanted to gain my parent's approval, I had to mold myself into the ideal Christian girl for them again. And upon reflection, I definitely did that growing up. A lot.
School started again and boy #3 and I broke up. He didn't seem to be going anywhere with his life. He was content working at a gas station (which is fine) whereas I wanted to go to college and explore the world and grow. We had different goals. I remember crying and not wanting to break up while already not feeling anything for him. I had already moved on from loving him and I think I wanted to stay together just to say I had a boyfriend. Which is stupid but ya know, I was 17.
Time moves on and I get messaged by #3's friend. He just wanted to see how I was doing, which was weird to me at the time. But then I started liking him. And we were talking a lot. And he asked me out 3 days before my 18th birthday. I remember geeking out and throwing my phone and squealing. We dated for a year and a half. It was only slightly better than previous relationships. He constantly put me on the back burner and kind of made me feel bad when I'd get upset about it. Of course, I didn't recognize this until after the fact. He broke up with me because I relied too heavily on him to try and fix my depression. At the time, it hurt like hell because he had been the most patient man I had met. Looking back on it, I was partially depressed because I was 2nd to everything else in his life and I wanted more of his attention and time.
I broke down at work after that. Wanted to end everything because I felt if #4 could give up on me, no one would ever be able to love me. I debated going back to the hospital but decided against it. I didn't have the time or money.
Then I had a month of a "manic" episode. I don't know what else to call it honestly. I was on an emotional high after being so low. I got onto Tinder. I matched with a lot of guys and was reckless. I didn't care. I wanted attention and I wanted to have fun, even if I was doing it the wrong way. I had met up with a guy at his work, after hours, of course, to hook up. I learned then I'm more demisexual than not. Being raised in a Christian household, I had it drilled into my head sex was meant for marriage. Yes, I had sex with my ex, #4, but its because I was in a committed relationship with him and had believed one day, we'd get married. The guy I was with at his office? I didn't know him. We hadn't even been on a date before. I laughed awkwardly and we talked awkwardly. He tried to initiate it but I curled into myself and shut him down. He was so kind about it. The next day I apologized so much that I basically beat a dead horse and he started losing interest in me. I met another guy. One day he came out to my small town, 40 minutes from his house, to hang out. we hung out, he kissed me, then eventually we ended up in the back of my car. I didn't want to have sex. I just wanted to be held. I just wanted to cuddle. He started grinding against the inside of his jeans, moaning. I tried shutting him down, a few times. But he insisted that's not what he was doing. Thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure I would have been assaulted had a police officer not shown up. We were parked in a public park parking lot at quarter to midnight so it looked suspicious. I cut that guy out soon after that.
Then I met my current partner. I wasn't looking for a partner, but that's what I found. I was 19 and I decided to spend the night a few times. Of course, being against my parent's rules, I lied about my location and said I was at my best friend's house. Somehow, they found out. I suspect they used my insurance tracker to find out my car location but I'm not sure. They yelled at me, of course. Told me if I was adult enough to spend the night at a boy's house, I was adult enough to pay all my own bills and rent. I was fine with that. What I was not fine with, as they expected me to continue being home by 10 pm unless I told them otherwise. I was also told if I spent the night at my partner's house again, I would be moving out the next weekend.
We were together for 6 months and started planning for me to move in with my partner in his dad's house. A week before I was planning to move in, the last weekend in December of 2019, I spent Friday night. Saturday morning I messaged my parents, saying I was sorry and that I'd be home to do chores soon. My dad replied that it wasn't a problem and I had to get all of my stuff out by 10 pm. I had a friend come with me, I got everything together, and moved in that Saturday. I've lived here since then and it had its ups and downs.
As I continue growing as a person, emotionally, and such, I have realized a lot of things. I've realized that my parents were emotionally abusive. Upon writing this, I've realized they were worse than I originally wanted to admit. I have come to realize a lot of my anxieties stem from things they did and said to me over the years. I have realized they were passive-aggressive about my mental health. I have realized they gas lit me over so much. I have realized countless things and its overwhelming. I don't know what to do with the information. I don't know how to cope with it. I feel like I keep getting punched in the stomach, over and over and over. I feel like I can't catch a break and that it won't ever get easier. It sure as hell hasn't gotten easier since 14. I'm 20 now and I might be in a worse space now than I was then but I'm not sure. As I grow and circumstances change, so do triggers and reactions which is why comparing 14 year old me and present me is like comparing an apple and an orange. Pointless and useless. I'm just... I'm tired of fighting to survive every day of my life. I'm tired of feeling like this. Even with medicine, there is a little dark cloud that follows me around almost constantly. I've accepted that its part of my reality and I desperately wish it wasn't. I desperately wish I was "normal" and I was under different circumstances but alas. I try to see the best of everything, but sometimes the negative seems to out weight the good...
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2020.08.03 05:53 VegetaInVegas This girl is the biggest freak I've ever been with and I want to give it back to her...(28M) (24F)

Okay going to try to keep this short...
Okay I've know this girl for like a year...first time we met we clicked...had a good convo spanning different genres over an hour or so...and every time since better and better...
Finally I made a move or hinted at the idea and she was dating some chode...and okay fine...but still got the snap and we talked started exchanging pics, dirty talk, so on and so forth...
So after some time she became single...she happened to come over one night and we fooled around but that was it...we weren't ready to take the full step but I think it make us want each other more...
So after seeing her a couple times at various places and trying to set up another date and being shot down I started to lose faith and wondered what happened or what not...did I do something? I mean we've talked and flirted since what's up? So I saw her again and I didn't asked about going out or whatever and before we split she made a comment while I was walking out that she was free tonight and a certain someone didn't ask her what she was doing... she's coy and at this point I am hooked on this girl...I texted her as soon as I got in the car and we met at her place ten minutes later...this was 3 weeks ago.. and we went at it... it's amazing sex...we vibe off each other and we push each other's buttons but she is way more into the bdsm/rough than I have dabbled into...and don't think I'm some Christian goodie boy...cuz I'm not... she's just the wildest thing I've ever had in bed and I want to match her intensity in the sack. I mean she bit me so hard it looks like I took a riot bullet to the right shoulder...but I was so into it. She has been bringing me outta my shell and I just want to give her the same energy and I have no problems with satisfying her in any phase that's a non issue...I just want to come to the table with some stuff cuz I'm not experienced at all I know she wants me to adapt to her style more...a couple days ago I tied her up with rope and she loved it..
I know she has feelings for me on a level more than just physically...I feel the same...I wanna bring that same energy to her... ideas??
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2020.07.27 11:52 27JJuldacket Da-ting Si-tes for Married Cou-ples

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2020.07.27 11:51 27JJuldacket Most Successful Da-ting Si-te

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2020.07.21 21:07 ScandinavianSplenda A year ago, I tried sugar dating (as a SD) – biggest shitshow of my life

EDIT: I have summarized all the (very) different answers that I got here in this reply: https://old.reddit.com/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/hvdljo/a_year_ago_i_tried_sugar_dating_as_a_sd_biggest/fz2i22t/
Warning: this is long. Like 6000 words long, and it took me around 8 hours to write in a coherent way. Some users here will no doubt find me a moron, gullible, or other negative things. Some will say I was scammed, some will say I had it coming, some will say I wasn’t. Some of you will probably say I have no business in sugar dating, when I don’t have more money than I do. At the very least, I think most of you will have as big a “WTF?” response as I did throughout the whole thing.
I’m a 35 year old dude from Scandinavia. Pretty decent looking, well educated, talkative, social, and a pretty decent job.
So, a year ago, a lot of shit was happening in my life. I was getting ready to get back into a fulltime job as my own startup hadn’t taken off, I was dealing with my dad slowly losing his memory, and a very out-of-nowhere death of my mother, who we expected to have around for another 30 years or so. Not just that, but I had already been dealing with a mild depression for a few years, and now not only did I have to arrange everything (my dad is too old to help much), I was also dealing with lawyers, inheritance, taking over some family business that I had no clue how to run, bank loans suddenly in my name, and on and on. To round things up, this came right after I had broken up with my at-that-time-girlfriend, who had then tried to kill herself and later stalked me online. It wasn’t a great time in my life.
So, at that time, I already knew a little about sugar dating. From curiosity I had been lurking on this sub for half a year or so, and had made a “test account” on SA just to see what it was all like. During last summer, being abroad speaking at a conference, the loneliness cracked me and I paid for a membership.
That said, very quickly, I found out this was not for me. I was getting spammed by escorts, prostitutes, and women wanting me to pay for photos of their feet. I talked to a few, but nothing ever came out of it: they would randomly disappear, one starting talking about keeping it quiet from her real boyfriend (huge turnoff???), and a few turned out to be very very sketchy. After about 3 weeks, I cancelled my membership again.
Within the last few days, I get a message from a 22yo girl I favorited or messaged right at the beginning, from Westcoast’ish region of the US. I explain to her that I was mistaken, and this really wasn’t for me. I was looking for a genuine relationship, not to pay someone for company (though happy to take care of the person I’m with). I’m not insanely rich either and won’t/can’t be the guy that endlessly showers her with money or gifts. I’m well off, but I’m more of a 10%’er than a 1%’er generally speaking. I made all this very clear. So I was happy to talk, but doubted that was what she wanted/was looking for. Surprisingly, she said she wanted the same! “Something real”. So, we started talking. (Side note: you might wonder why I even bothered signing up on a Sugar Dating site then. Well, I fell for the marketing. “These are just women looking to date better men” so to speak. Yes, I’m an idiot.)
We seemed to get along really well and seemed to have a mutual attraction. Looking back, maybe I should have been suspicious just how funny she found my jokes. We clicked almost unrealistically well when it came to kinks, both liked weed, both seemed to be very open people, we shared core values, she seemed interested in me and vice versa. It all seemed great!
Now, distance is obviously a bit of a thing here. For me, not that big a deal. I’ve lived in Japan for a while, so got used to long-distance stuff from there, and have (normal, regular, non-sugary) had a girlfriend in the US before as well. It seemed a bit more problematic for her. We get to know each other, and after a small month of casually talking (texting, but also video chatting around 5 times for several hours at a time), we decide on a date range and I buy her a ticket to come see me for 10 days.
And really, this is where things start taking a bad turn. I should have already noticed some red flags, but I had put it down to cultural and generational differences. She would often disappear for a few days and just not reply. Or when we were agreeing on stuff, randomly disappear for the rest of the day. Was difficult getting in touch with. She would always just tell me she was extremely busy with work, tired when she got home, and wasn’t much of a texter. But at times it was more in the “I just need a yes/no within 24 hours” type things, and she would still be a pain getting in touch with. There also started to pop up a few mild inconsistencies in her stories, that I couldn’t quite tell if were real or not. We would be texting about when we should video chat, and she would leave for days when I sent “so today or tomorrow?” for instance. Super frustrating, leaving a feeling of both not respecting my time, and also fucking up my schedule. We would be texting back and forth, and out of nowhere she would just randomly not reply for a few days. At one point, before I booked the ticket, it had gotten bad enough (she had gone poof for about 1½ weeks) that I wrote her it was fine if she wasn’t interested, but I wasn’t going to deal with this. I have a friend in LA, who called it. “If you do this, just know she’ll shower you with attention right after, but later she’ll go back to being the same”. Which is exactly what had happened.
Anyway.
While my subscription had run out, curiosity got the better of me, and I logged back in to see if she was still active on SA – and at that point, I realized she was still logging back into SA on, at a minimum, daily basis. Hell, there were times she wouldn’t be responding to a message, but would log in for days on end on SA instead. This continued until literally only about an hour before her plane left, on the day she was going here. I’ll be honest, this bugged me, but at the same time who I am I tell people whether they can talk to strangers online or not? We weren’t dating, we weren’t in a relationship. So, I put it in the “not my business” bucket.
Since I was, at this point, really not interested in a “sugar relationship with no strings attached” (again, something I had made extremely clear), I asked about her time on there. She told me she didn’t have a sugar daddy now and hadn’t had one for a long time. “I still go on dates though” – it would take me over half a year to realize this is a polite way of saying “I still meet up and fuck for money though”. At another time, she later said something along the lines of “well I mean I still have sex with some of them if I like them”.
I spent a massive amount of time preparing for this (probably in the 30 hour+ range). She didn’t want to be involved in any planning at all, barely even putting in the effort to say what type of things she wanted to see (“I don’t know what’s there, so I’ll depend on you showing me” type deal). I planned a ton, phoned a bunch of local business to help her out with a certification situation, figured out what we could see in ex amount of days, what she wanted, and also spent a few hours looking at tourist videos on YouTube that I could send her. I sent her 3 (in total, maybe 25min?) which covered different topics – when she arrived, I learned she had never bothered watching any of them, and legit had no fucking clue about my country. Like, really, zero knowledge.
You might be wondering why I hadn’t noped out long before. What can I say, she was beyond charming to talk to, and while her actions clearly spoke of a certain personality, her words and interactions with me did not. I’m a romantic, sue me.
During the final weeks of planning, expenses suddenly started pilling up as well. Not only was I obviously paying the ticket, and all expenses while she was here, but I also paid for a dog sitter (hundreds of dollars for 10 days?), for extra transport, and, at the end, convinced me to also pay her regular salary while she was here – she really needed the money, after all. So now, I’m paying the transport and ticket, all expenses, dog sitter, and her regular salary. At this point I should obviously have known she wasn’t looking for a real relationship, but there was a sunken cost fallacy going on, and as I said, I was lonely as shit. It’s important to note that while I’m well off (particularly for my age), I’m definitely not filthy rich. I make around 100k a year, and have a net worth in the 1% for my generation, but I’m not in a situation where I can throw 5 or 10k around needlessly, you know? I live a nice comfortable life, but I definitely don’t live an American-1%-type life, which of course I had told her very early on.
Now, it can be a bit crazy meeting people like this, so I obviously wanted to Google her a bit, to make sure no murder records show up, lol. But homegirl is an absolute enigma online. Does not exist. No records of anything. No social media. No photos of any kind. Number not connected to anything. ZERO info, to the point where it was obvious that serious effort had been put into hiding herself online. Gotta be honest, that weirded me out a bit – in contrast, to make her feel safe about the whole thing, I messaged her a shitton of info on me (address, public registries, social media, work info, pretty much everything I could think of), which I had no issue with her sharing with a friend for safety. I now understand this is pretty common for sex workers, but remember that at this point, I’m still sold on a “normal relationship”.
I had originally sorted out anyone on SA that had been on the site longer than a year or so, exactly because I wasn’t interested in a “pro”. It was around this time that I realized I had misread her profile – it wasn’t 2 months old, it was 2 years old. “But we’ve made it this far, might as well keep going?” I essentially think.
She arrives, I pick her up at the airport, everything is beyond awesome. I’m extremely happy to see her, she seems extremely happy to see me, seems super excited to be here, seems impressed/happy with my efforts, and all seems pretty good. I think her first reaction when we got back home was “Dude, this is banger”, which still gives me a bit of a laugh. Genuinely great.
Throughout her time here though, weird issues starting popping up. She was very awkward discussing anything socio-economic (and had apparently never heard that term before??), seemed offended (though she would constantly say “I don’t get offended”) when discussing bad neighborhoods in my city (“Yeah? What’s bad about poor people? Is it because they’re foreigners?” – those types of replies, which were way more aggressive than the topic at hand and seemed to spin things out of proportion or intention. They’re bad cuz there’s a ton of crime there...). To my understanding she actually came from a fairly well-off family, which confused me more.
I knew a bit about it already, but she had an extremely negative/weird focus on her own ethnicity (Asian), making it clear she felt it was very awkward and weird I had spent a time of my life living in Tokyo (“I just find it weird to have another country as a hobby…” – why? I think that’s incredibly common, actually), and was asking a lot of questions on exactly how I had originally found her profile – “You must have been looking for Asian girls”. Completely true, I find Asians generally very attractive, but as far as I remember I found her profile by searching for very different things that popped up in her profile (like “420” as an example). But at the same time she had her ethnicity prominently featured in her username and dressed almost stereotypically “young Asian”. While being incredibly awkward about her own ethnicity, she would also say things like “if we started dating, my friends wouldn’t like you... they’d say like, oh, you’re dating that type of guy...”. I didn’t understand at first, but she later explained that, basically, her friends would give her shit for dating a white guy. So, there were a lot of weird shit going on. She would talk a lot about not wanting to be fetishized for being Asian, but at the same time she was the only one who kept bringing it up. Not to mention, as I explained to her several times, I really didn’t view her as “Asian”, I viewed her as “American”.
We went out one night to show her the night life, and at one point a bartender forgets to bill us. She says “Oh he probably gave us the drink for free, that happens all the time, with my ex bartenders always used to tell us how cute we were together and give us the drink for free”. At least from my perspective, that’s a pretty awkward thing to start talking about on a date.
There were other awkward/weird moments that popped up in random conversations. She was a SB, but thought pickup artists were the lamest people in the world. When we talked about kids, she said “I know I have good genes, so I should have kids”. One evening we were out eating, and she just shut down for a hour, getting borderline angry with me for asking what she liked about her hobby/job – “that’s what I talk about all day at work, I don’t want to talk about it now”, which is fine, but she was also extremely secretive with her life, so I had pretty limited conversational topics, and she didn’t really talk about anything else (her work/hobby, weed, and BDSM – that was largely it, so it was difficult to just find a different topic to start talking about at times). Not to mention that she had previously talked endlessly about how much she enjoyed her job, and what a big part of her life that activity was, so it felt very out of nowhere.
But she still felt very affectionate. Still felt real. Never asked me for money, or to buy her anything (I obviously did anyway). There would be days she would just look at me and say “dude, this is legit a perfect day for me right now”. I remember a morning I was making her breakfast, and she just randomly stumbled into the kitchen and just gives me this strong long hug from behind. Over the days there were plenty of words of affection, walking around clinging to my arm, giggling and smiling. Her boss wrote her a few times about issues, and she asked me if I could help her write messages and emails explaining the situation (long story about work stuff, I understood it fairly well, just wrote the message on her behalf in “proper business language” or whatever you’d call it), which I gladly did. Yes, I saw the messages, just normal work stuff. In fact, the whole thing was very disarming, since she just left her phone with me a bit - I’m not an asshole, so I didn’t just go through her conversations. Quick jump back: a day or two before the little sweet hugging, she had one evening asked me to take a test on my “love language”. What do I get? I like people telling me nice things and touching me. When she asked me to take it, I thought she was just being quirky/cute or had an interest in that stuff, but looking back, it’s also a very clever way to know what to say/do to a person to make them like you. Hers were, you guessed it, gifts. Obviously.
Yet at the same time, I often had this weird feeling that I was disappointing her, or not living up to expectations. That really, she would prefer I was someone else than who I was. I often felt I had to “wear a mask” in front of her, and likewise, I often felt that I wasn’t seeing “the real her”. It was awkward, because at times she would outright state that she was attracted to men who very clearly were not the type of person that I am. She liked the Washington-CEO-In-A-Suit-And-In-Control type person, and I’m pretty far in the other end being a romantic fool, pretty casual, have a fine arts degree, and write mopey love songs. I’m a guy that’s extremely empathetic, focuses a lot on being a morally good person, lots of self-deprecating jokes – a far cry from the hard “Christian Grey” type she seemed to actually like.
This “other person” would sometimes pop up in distress, and it would almost be like sitting next to a different person for a few minutes. Very much a “wtf is going on here??” type deal. Sometimes it would be small facial changes or suddenly bursting out a sentence, while at a few other times it would be a fullblown crying your eyes out meltdown (and then 5 minutes later, back to poppy happy-go-lucky self). Other things would be inconsistencies like saying she didn’t care for politics, but would spend 30-60min a day speeding through mostly political news on Reddit and YouTube. Small stuff, but there nonetheless. Small side note in regards to news: it seemed almost confusing for her that I didn’t know all the details about American politics. In general, I think there was a problem for her understanding cultural differences. On the surface level, our two cultures are very alike, or seem to mostly have structural changes, but that’s really not the case. I’d say Japans culture is more similar to us than that of the US, and I think these “hidden differences” fucked with her a lot.
Anyway.
Even if she hadn’t outright said so a few times, it was obvious she was very depressed. One night she almost randomly just broke down and cried her eyes out for a solid 5 minutes, while I’m sitting there trying to comfort her. Other times she would blurt out little comments like “other people will always only look out for themselves” or “you can’t get disappointed if you don’t hope for anything”. She had been suicidal in the past and was clearly still on the verge of something serious. At one point while we were out eating, she literally looked at me and said “I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t want to die” - which I have to say is one of the most far out comments I’ve ever received from anyone. Once she noticed the shock / hurt on my face, for obvious reasons, she added something like “I don’t mean you, I mean this situation” or something like that. When you go from a relationship with someone who wants to kill themselves if you’re not together, it’s a pretty big leap to being told the only reason someone is spending time with you is because they don’t care if they die. Even now, I still really don’t know what to say about that. Anyway, point being, she was hella depressed.
This ties into lifestyle and sexuality.
Sexually, she was heavily into BDSM. Like... real heavy into it. I’m into it. I’ve played with it. I actually know quite a bit about it, but she blew me out of the sky. With a nuke, strapping another nuke. Like, DAMN. Initially this was something I was very into, as it tied pretty much perfectly into my own sexual interests – but this quickly changed. I learned her father had beaten her and her mother a lot, and she had pretty much run away at 18 to college (scholarship), after which she had jumped straight into the hardcore BDSM scene. There, she engaged in very heavy play from day one, with a lot of people. She had a profile on a fetish site she showed me, and it was pretty much all just filled with comments from guys over the years writing how they fucked her up. I think one of them just said something like “I should have beaten you harder”. It was actually pretty depressing to read, not to mention that one of her only personal updates on that profile was a few years back, clearly distressed, talking about how “you should never think a Master is an actual friend” or something like that. At some point during all this, she tells me, she was also sexually assaulted. She was very into essentially getting beaten up or treated like trash. She had been in several “24/7 BDSM relationships”, had been with one or two dudes who liked “giving her” to other guys, and so on. She had tried aaaaalmost everything apart from an outright gangbang. On one hand she spoke very openly about it all, with zero shyness. On the other hand, one evening we were talking about sexual partners, and she refused to engage in the conversation when I asked what number of sexual partners she had had (keep in mind this is in a conversation where we also just talked about her getting fucked in public in front of a bunch of people and other similar activities, had shared abuse stories, life stories, etc. – not to mention it’s a topic casual enough in my country, that I know the number of sexual partners for both my parents and a few friends) and seemed to get outright angry/offended at the question. Almost ruined the entire evening, she REALLY didn’t like being asked, and simply stated “I don’t know, my generation doesn’t keep count”. What little reaction I got, left me with the impression that it was in the hundreds over just a few years.
Now, it might sound like I’m trying to shame her or something. That’s really not it. Fuck whoever you want, not my business what you get up to in your sex life. I’ve done some shit I don’t talk about at dinners too. But when you have a girl that essentially ran away from home because she was abused by her dad, had what I understood as a very weak mother, is obviously incredibly depressed, with obvious low self-esteem/self-worth, I can’t stand here and say that it is responsible to engage in humiliating/degrading/objectifying sexual activities with a ton of guys that don’t care about you. Moreso, I’m extremely disappointed in all the older men who apparently over the years had zero problems with fucking this girls head up. I read a post from a person on here who wrote “Power Exchange only works if there is actual power to exchange”. It didn’t feel like power exchange, it felt like taking advantage of someone. The more I learned about her, the more I felt everything we were engaging in was just enabling and furthering her unhealthy and self-destructive behavior. I tried talking to her about it, but she seemed pretty unresponsive to the conversation, and genuinely like she hadn’t thought about it, and didn’t care. She smoked weed on a daily basis, and not the lightweight kind. We went and bought some here, and she basically didn’t feel anything at all because she was used to vaping some crazy shit at home. Another sign that she wasn’t happy with her life and preferred to space out, so she didn’t have to think about it. To me at least, it appeared she had started mixing sugar dating and BDSM as pretty much her first relationships, and had at this point largely internalized them as “how normal relationships are”.
One night we were out eating, I had taken her to what is one of the most expensive restaurants in the country in a very old classic hotel, absolutely stunning interior, and I was venting a bit about what kind of expectations were placed on me by family, what type of life I was supposed to lead, and so forth. As I noted earlier, for me it’s very important to try and uphold a certain moral integrity, to be a “good person”, both trusting and trustworthy, helping out others when I can and so on. She was beyond kind in her words to me there, and reaffirmed many wonderful things on how kind of a person she thought I was. In fact, it was so “perfect”, that it made me speculate on whether it was true – though a genuine friend of mine has previously told me the same, so I bought it, and simply thought I should learn to accept a nice compliment.
One or two days later, we’re out drinking. During the trip, she told me she had previously done a Ketamine treatment for her depression about 1½ years earlier, and was saving up to go for a second treatment now, but it was very expensive. She was also engaged in 2 lawsuits with former business partners - she had ditched her scholarship midway, to start up her own business with some friends in South America, but she refused to tell me the details, yet explained how badly treated she was by different systems and people there. Basically, homegirl was hella broke and needed money for treatment and lawsuits. While I may be overreacting, keep in mind the timing she starts dropping this topic into the conversation: a day after I’ve just told her about myself as a person and my reaction to such situations.
She needed about 20k in total – I told her I wouldn’t give her that, but that I could probably help her out with half of it or something, maybe a bit more if we agreed it was a longterm loan (I was in a situation where I needed to make sure shit with my bank was flowing, before I could do much, a situation that only finally settled about 3 months ago now). I didn’t want her to feel obligated to be with me for this, so I made it clear I would send it whether we decided to stay together or not. Before you call me a complete idiot, keep in mind I thought I was building a real relationship with this girl. Her profile quite literally states “looking for something real”. So here I am, in a privileged life with little real worries, never had to fend truly for myself, with a ton of expendable capital. Yes, of course I’ll help, it sounds/sounded like a truly horrible situation. Not to mention she really needed therapy.
The rest of the trip flows fairly well. In fact, one evening out, she told me that “This might be toxic. It feels so good being here, and it’ll be crap when I get back home”. There were days where I had genuinely not felt so relaxed and at ease with a person in close to a decade. Days later, some crying goodbyes in the airport, and off she goes. We planned on meeting up again and take a trip together to Tokyo a few months later.
Now, it’s a year ago, so I might be remembering things incorrectly here, but a few days ago I got a memory of her saying something like “why does it feel like this is the last time we’ll see each other?”. At the time I completely brushed it off, I mean, it wasn’t going to be the last time obviously!
My curiosity gets the better of me, and I look if she’s still constantly logging on to SA. Before she even landed in her own airport, just the airport for the interconnecting flight, and she’s back checking SA. Maybe she never stopped checking it, I didn’t look while she was here. We talk a bit, I try and give her some extra space (we talked about that), but pretty quickly she starts disappearing for days on end again. The conversation moves more towards her financial situation. I tell her it’s still a few weeks before I can transfer any money. She talks about maybe having to join the army to avoid just going broke. Next day she writes me what I think of her being a camgirl (I told her I thought it should require some serious thought before she did that). Looking back, the timing again is interesting to say the least. I’m now thinking/realizing if it was more her telling me she needed to do these shitty jobs, so I would get my ass in gear and send her some money.
Which of course I did. I sent her some money. Sure, the trip and everything had already cost me around 5k, but a promise is a promise after all. I realized the bank thing would drag out for a while, and thought hey, I’ll just send it now. Since I didn’t want to do it over my bank, I did it to her paypal – lucky for me, PayPal put a hard cap on how much I could send in 1 month, so I could only send half the agreed amount at first (around 3500). So I sent it, and wrote her a little email (as we had agreed) saying it was a loan, and please reply back that she understood it was. Then, complete and utter silence for about a week. Then a single email pops up, with her name, email, address, and “I accept the terms of the loan”. That was the last message I ever got back from her.
Obviously, I tried to write her, both via email and WhatsApp. The messages were never read. At first I was worried, going as far as to anonymously asking for advice on her situation on different Subreddits. I think the most correct answer I got back was from a girl in a somewhat similar situation, who said “if it’s true, help her if she asks, but there’s no way she’ll accept help from you, she needs to want it herself, you won’t be able to convince her, and if you push, she’ll probably just leave”. Buuuuut then I saw she was still logging in pretty much daily to SA, which in a weird way made me feel a lot better, because hey, at least she didn’t kill herself or something. At least she was “OK”.
This is the first, and so far only, time in my life someone ghosted me and honestly it fucked with me a lot. Someone I felt very emotionally connected to, and poof, gone without any explanation (along with some money). I felt like I had opened up to someone, trusted someone, and this was just... not what I expected. I genuinely couldn’t get her out of my mind, no matter how much I tried. Nothing about anything makes any sense, and everything felt like a giant contradiction. Was she young and freaked out about emotional commitment and just noped out? One friend thinks so. Was she a clever scammer from the getgo, and so brilliant at it I’m not even sure what happened afterwards? Another friend thinks so.
I’ve dated a few other girls since, even met up with a few sugar babies afterwards, and nothing works. It’s driving me absolutely insane, and I absolutely wish I could think of something else.
Was she a scammer? If so, a pretty bad one, since she could definitely have gotten more money out of me, and had no guarantee I would fall for any of this before she committed to coming here. I sent her no money before she arrived, which she was completely cool with. If she wanted money, it would also have been a lot more logical to stick around a month longer so I could send her the other half (I obviously didn’t). And why bother replying to the email then? Why give me an address and additional mail accounts? That makes no sense. That’s like the opposite actions of a smart scammer. Not to mention the many moments that had felt truly genuine and personal between us.
At the same time, looking back it’s obvious that when she disappeared, she was just with another dude. She constantly logged in on SA. Told me about how some guy was “lending her his tesla”, you know, just out of kindness (oh, and also writing her if she wanted to go on trips with him... again, you know, just out of kindness). Looking back, she was (possibly) incredibly manipulative. Roped me into giving her more and more money, and when she finally got another good chunk just disappeared completely, all while you’re convinced you’re looking to possibly build something together here. That’s just a regular ol’ love scam.
Or am I completely misunderstanding the situation, and should really be focusing on her mental illness in all of this? There’s plenty there, if what she told me was true, to explain erratic behavior like this, or feelings of freaking out or being unworthy when someone genuinely cares for you. That’s perfectly common symptoms of such situations.
Clouding it even more, there were definitely times I was weird as well. Generational differences and cultural differences mostly, but I also had this weird feeling of walking on eggshells around her, and I was at times incredibly bad at being straight forward, and other times pretty awkward emotionally. I can’t quite explain to you why, but I suppose part of that just came from being in a very new situation – which, equally, could be said about her. Thinking about it, another bit would be how she would correct me about things fairly directly, “don’t apologize so much” (it’s a cultural thing), or “isn’t it pretty rude that you’re walking on the inside of the pavement right now?”. It put things on edge.
I’ve even thought of emailing her telling her I’d outright pay for answers, just for the clarity of mind. I’m not even kidding when I say I would be thrilled for her to coldly tell me I’m an idiot and got scammed. Christ, what wonderful peace that would give me. What I wouldn't give for proper closure. The 10 days we spent together is an unending stream of utterly contradicting actions and words, and it’s really fucking with me.
Technically I could try to write her on Facebook. I didn’t find her. I had posted a picture of us on Instagram (again, very disarming that she didn’t care at all about taking a ton of pictures and videos together, and no issue if I wanted to share it on SoMe), and Facebooks algorithm suggested her as a friend about 2 months later. I obviously didn’t try to Friend her.
So here I am. Still can’t get this girl out of my head, and frustratingly enough, still with feelings for her. On one hand, I’m very thankful for the experience – it helped me grow a lot as a person. On the other hand, it’s one of the few in my life that I wish I could go back and just erase.
She logged back in a month ago, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s up to now. I hope she's well. Maybe writing all this here will mildly help me get all this shit sorted in my brain.
EDIT: If you made it this far, bravo! If you look through the comments, you'll see people here can't decide either. Some think it was an obvious scam. Others think it was two people meeting at a bad time in their lives. Some simply conclude "accept that you'll never know".
submitted by ScandinavianSplenda to sugarlifestyleforum [link] [comments]


2020.07.16 19:01 16JJulslow Hard-core Dee-p Dogg-ystyle Por-n

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submitted by 16JJulslow to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]


2020.07.16 17:25 elvs816Jul Best Making Lov-e Por-n

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https://preview.redd.it/jxc5kfawl8b51.jpg?width=225&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0214ecb5add059cf7e72497b7c909e11fd0e292a
submitted by elvs816Jul to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 20:24 LauraVi 💎THE RESULTS: r/RomanceClub Community Survey!💎

💎THE RESULTS: RomanceClub Community Survey!💎
First of all, thank you very much to everyone who took part in the second ever Reddit Romance Club community survey! We mods were absolutely amazed by the high number of responses, so thank you for making this such a vibrant and engaged community! You all rock.
After grinding the (many) numbers, here are the results, which we hope you will find as interesting as we did.
Just a note: this survey was opened at the end of May and closed shortly after the June release, hence its questions only barely included Legend of the Willow and did not include Dracula: a Love Story. For this reason, we have not counted the (very few) replies that have been given in the "other" boxes mentioning characters that were not yet available as Lis/known as LIs in the May release (think Leo, Vlad, Kazu etc) as this would have not been fair to those who had answered the survey before the June update.
Having said that... buckle up for the ride! Lots of interesting info ahead.
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💎Question 1: Which RC story is your favourite?

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No one will be surprised to find out that Heaven's Secret is the top story in this community right now, chosen by over 45% of the respondents. Our nostalgic heart is very happy, however, to see some old favs still make the podium - albeit trailing significantly behind. Moonborn and Shadows of Saintfour score second and third place, only separated by a handful of votes at around 11%, but newer release Chasing You is already breathing on their neck at 10.7%.
A healthy mix of new and old stories follows: Sails in the fog is in fifth place with 7.8% of the preferences, while Legend of the willow, after only a few episodes, already scores a very good sixth place, in a tie with Seduced by the rhythm at 4.3% of the votes. Queen in 30 days is seventh with 3.5% and My Hollywood Story is eighth with 1.2%.
Last place goes to Wave Patrol at 0.4%, which sadly doesn't come as a shock given the general feeling that the romantic/reputation points system was too complicated.
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💎Question 2: Who are your favourite LIs?

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HS being the most popular story unsurprisingly propels some of its main LIs onto the podium with supersonic speed.
Bad boys rule, with Lucifer taking the crown with a whopping 65.7% of the votes and Alexander (CY) taking silver at 49.3%. The nice guys are not too far behind, though, with Dino in third place at 47.4% and Max (MB) only just about missing the podium in fourth place at 45.3%. We go back to bad boys with Brandon (SBR) in fifth, but soft spoken Sam (CY) is ready to balance things out again with his sixth place.
The most surprising result on top of the rankings is Jake (WP) who makes the top ten with a very healthy seventh place. He is really hard work, but obviously we all think he's totally worth it!
Old favourites Michael (SOS) and Victor (MB) still hold onto the hearts of their fans by scoring eight and ninth place respectively. First among the women - and the only female LI to make the top 10 - is the delightfully devilish Mimi (HS).
Waves' mate Sebastian misses the top ten only by a hair, placing himself in 11th place with a healthy 20.7%. Bodyguard Adam is the most favourite LI in Q30 in 12th place, followed by a row of SOS boys, with John, Derek and Aaron scoring very similar percentages in 13th, 14th and 15th place respectively. Sweetheart Ray is no longer the most favourite LI to come out of MHS, as in this round he ends up in a tie for 16th place with none other than his almost polar opposite, rough and ready Captain Jeff.
Leonard from Q30 (17th place) ties with Cherry from SOS but at least he beats his brother Richard (20th place) in the heart of the readers - and we all know that he'd be pretty pleased with that. Claire (SBR) is the second most favourite female LI in 18th place, while mysterious Luke (SOS) completes the top 20 in 19th place.
Here are the rest of the Lis who placed lower than the top 20:
(21) Carlos (SBR) 9.2%
(22) Justin (SBR) 8.6%
(23) Benny Bart (MB) 8.4%
(24) Tarino (MHS) 8.1%
(25) Gino (MHS) tied with Stephanie (SOS) at 7.8%
(26) Dante (MB) 6.9%
(27) Andy (HS) 6.3%
(28) Mike (MHS) 6.1 %
(29) Alek (WP) tied with Dante (CY) at 5.9%
(30) Kayla (WP) 5.3 %
(31) Alex (MHS) 3.9%
(32) Chris (SIF) 3.4%
(33) Frances (MB) 3.2%
(34) William (SIF) 3.1%
(35) Trisha (MB) 2.6%
(36) Charles (SBR) 2.1%
(37) Orlando (SBR) 1.8%
(38) Chris the bodyguard (MHS) tied with Adi (HS) at 1.6%
(39) Ellen (MHS) tied with Manta (SIF) at 1.2%
(40) Masked Man (SOS) 1.1%
(41) Ellia (CY) 0.8%
(42) Mermaid (SIF) 0.6%
(43) Simon (MB) 0.4%
(44) Charles (WP) tied with Emma (Q30) and Jackie (SIF) at 0.2%.
These lower rankings include some LIs that, based on the discussions we see on the subreddit, we were not expecting to get as many votes as they did - and vice versa. Dante from CY has more votes than Orlando from SBR? And Chris the bodyguard (MHS) beat the Masked Man (SOS)? Say what... Also: Jackie (SIF) definitely deserved a lot more votes! We might have to start a hashtag or something.
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💎Question 3: Which non-LI character you’d romance in a heartbeat?

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Here are the top 15 most desired LIs in this community:
To absolutely no one's surprise, Geralt (HS) takes the top spot with 39.1% of the readers eager to unbuckle his sexy neck belts at the first occasion. Dreamy Xander from MB takes a very respectable second place with 23.2%: we will forever long for his full lips and crisp linen suit. Another MB favourite, Prince Ethan Wood completes the podium with his Matrix-style coat and intense eyes, but sassy and sexy demon Austie (HS) is not very far behind in fourth place.
Vampires Dustin Chase in fifth place and - although at quite a distance - Sophia in sixth join the ranks of the many LIs who sadly never were in MB. Cute lifeguard Zoey from WP ranks seventh, and no worries if you don't remember who she is: her screen time was about 5 minutes total - but enough to end up in a tie with angelic mentor Misselina from HS. Frenemy Candy from SOS makes eighth place, while evil stunner Monica from MB clutches ninth. To complete the top 10 is no one else but grumpy Angel Fencio (HS) - we obviously all want him to show us his collection of talismans - tied with Bean from MHS, who sadly had the audacity to get married to someone else.
In 11th place is SOS great friend Bobby, whose bravery in the face of untold horrors gave him a special place in all our hearts, in a tie with another WP lifeguard, Ryan (yeah, we have little recollection of him as well). Party-loving and OSHA nemesis Anthony Wood (MHS) is in 12th place, while scheming yet gorgeous Julia (Q30) takes 13th.
In 14th place is no one else but our dear Sailor Bobby - an option that was added as humorous but instead raked up a fairly respectable 14% of votes. As they say, if you are not handsome you should be handy, and no one is a better dress maker than Bobby! Plus, how can we forget when he disguised himself as a tribesman to save Adelaide from becoming soup? He ends up in a tie with a fan favourite, sweet angel Sammy (HS). Completing the top-15 is another HS angel, the ethereal Leeloo.
This question also had an "other" box, where people could add names that were not included in the list. For all those (quite a few!) people who wrote Dino (HS), Sam (CY) and Orlando (SBR)... we choose to believe you misread the question, but if you didn't... oh boy, have we got good news for you!
A few people also wished for Rachel (CY) and Hiro (SBR) to be LIs, so that's another happy ending there as per the latest release.
Some also wished for Diego, Baron Samedi and Jackie from SIF, and Joseph, Christian and Gustavo from SBR to be LIs, and we are happy to say that, although their routes might be a bit hidden and not all of them can be endgame LIs, you can most definitely already hookup with/romance all of them. Check the wiki for details!
A few people asked for the coffee shop owner in CY... we have the feeling that we know who at least one of them is, and truth be told, that beard is dreamy so we can see their point! More bearded LIs please!
Those who asked for Fyr... far from us to kink shame here, but let's just hope he turns out to be human at some point! We also have some Seraph Crowley (HS) and Angel Mora (MB) fans amongst us, as clear proof that no one is ever too old for love, plus WP Agent Phillips' manbun has also scored him some eager fans.
But that one person who asked for Sean from MB... we hope for your sake you are also about 12 years old because otherwise you need an old priest, a young priest and also a police officer.
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💎Question 4: Which LI do you think is overrated, and why?

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Here are the top 10 most overrated LIs in the game according to our community.
You know how they say never rest on your laurels? In a surprising (or maybe not?) twist of fate, some of the most liked LIs also topped the most overrated rankings, which goes to show that the beauty of our community is that we all have different (and sometimes opposite) opinions! So please let's not fight in the comments, haha.
The most overrated LI crown goes to Lucifer with the 21.9% of the votes, (which is almost as him winning an Oscar and a Razzie on the same evening) mostly due to his behaviour, which many identify as "toxic", "abusive" and "triggering". Many readers are "not comfortable with his choking/manhandling of MC", and his "lack of respect for personal space". "Being treated poorly in the hope to finally reach a hidden soft side does not seem worth it". Some think "he needs therapy", and wonder "why he's still behaving like a teen while he's possibly thousands of years old". A reason why many dislike him however, is also "the daily flood of fanart that features him": we might all be a little Lucifered-out here on the subreddit!
Tied in second place (pun fully intended!) are Alexander (CY) and Victor (MB) at 11.5%: the reasons given for both of them are surprisingly similar. Both boys are into BDSM but neither seem to "truly know the rules of consent" and people think that they "overstep boundaries a little too often". Both have been described as "creepy", "controlling" and "plain weird". Victor is also guilty of being "boring" ("I asked for a tea not for your life story in India!" - someone wrote). Both have been invited to "drop the Christian Grey act" and some people think "they would be arrested in real life if they acted this way". Oh boy.
Justin (SBR) completes this unflattering podium at 9.1% because of his "obnoxious outbursts" and the way he treats MC. He is "rude" and "mean" and people seem to be willing to "pay diamonds to put him in his place". Hopefully that won't be necessary!
Jake from WP is fourth at 7.8%, the main reason being that he is "too difficult to romance", "too expensive and still rude", and that "we have to solve the Da Vinci code to get him" - as someone hilariously wrote.
Bad boy Brandon (SBR) scores 6.1% of the votes landing fifth place, with the word "jerk" being the most recurrently used to describe him. He is "arrogant", a "vanishing act", and "he is never nice to MC for long". Come on, Brandon! You can do better!
Unclaimed Andy (HS) takes sixth place with 4.5% for being "jealous" and "annoying" - although we would maybe argue that he's not really that overrated, as far as we can see from the sub...
In seventh place is Max (MB) at 4.1% but we are confused by the person who mentioned "his abs being too perfect" as a reason for disliking him. Of course, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, so... fair enough? Other words used are "too boring", otherwise many people voted for him but did not really give a reason why. Max needs to work on his PR clearly!
Another tie in eight place sees Adam (Q30) and Dino (HS) score 3.7% of the votes. The Royal bodyguard is described as "a barbarian" and his behaviour as "possessive" and "controlling", while the main complaints against Dino seem for the vast majority to be directed to his looks: comments range from "his eyes look disproportionally big compared to his head" to "his hair seems separated from his face" to some people calling him a "Fabio lookalike". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder indeed!
Gruff Captain Jeff (MHS) makes ninth with 3.3%, mostly because of "the dodgy power dynamic between him and MC" and his "bullying": "I like puppies is not a free get out of jail card!" someone wrote. The fact that SOS Luke "drugged MC" bags him unanimously the tenth spot with 2.8% of the votes.
Not in the top ten but voted often enough to deserve a special mention are John (SOS) because of his "murderous tendencies", Derek (SOS) because "people only likes him for his glow-up", and Leonard (Q30) as "he took Emma's spot as the third main LI in the story" and "that was a cop out!" Plus "he seems so good only because the other two are the worst", someone quipped.
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💎Question 5: Which LI do you think is underrated, and why?

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Let's all cheer ourselves up with the opposite end of the spectrum! Here are the top 10 Lis that the community think deserve more love! The answers in this question were a lot more fragmented, with a lot of random characters getting very few votes, so the ranking percentages are significantly lower than in other questions.
A few people chose to write "every female LI" as this question's answer, and this is reflected in the rankings below, where way more female characters are mentioned compared to other questions. So RC, we need more screen time for badass, gorgeous, interesting female LIs!
HS still carries its weight as the most popular story, with three of its main LIs topping the rankings, all lamenting the fact that they are "unfairly overshadowed by bad boy Lucifer". Andy tops the list with 8.5% of the votes: players think he is "a really good guy", "sweet", "cute", "caring", "thoughtful". They admit "he has flaws" but he "will help if you need him" and "will stand up for those he cares about". It's nice to see him getting some love!
Devil cutie Mimi ends up as a close second with only a few votes of difference, at 8.1%. She is "cute", "badass", and "so cool". Many people wrote they don't usually romance female Lis but they chose her nonetheless because she is "a great LI in every way". Someone wishes RC would "flesh her out a little more" and "give her more screen time". Third spot is for Dino: a "sweetheart" and "the cutest man in the game".
Jake from WP nabs fourth place with the 4.9% of votes. Players thinks the focus is too much on how hard he is to pursue, while "he is totally worth it", because after the initial coldness he becomes "sweet", "kind" and "caring". His "love for his family is another big plus", and he is always "supportive", "mature", "loyal" and "intense". Someone also wrote that "his sex scenes are amazing".
Gorgeous dancer Carlos from SBR is in fifth place: he is described as "cute", "great personality", "respectful" and "the sweetest". One to watch for sure! Prince Leonard (Q30) ties with Claire (SBR) in sixth place. Leonard is "complicated", "interesting" and "clever", while Claire is "sweet", "mature" and "loyal". Seventh position is for Michael (SOS) - "cute", "affectionate", "funny" - and Kayla (WP) who's "really nice" and "one of the first female LIs that didn't seem like a complete afterthought".
Eight place goes to Sam (CY) - "wholesome", "the right amount of naughty and nice", "a sweet and likeable guy" - in a tie with Chris (SIF) - "funny", "strong", "loyal", "always has your back". Ninth place is another tie between Sebastian (SIF) - "sweet" and "supportive" - and Alex (MHS) - "amazing personality", "really helpful".
Last but not least the tenth place is a foursome: William (SIF) gets some love for being "good", "solid", "loyal" and "fun", in a tie with Charles (SBR) - described as "perfect", "romantic" and "caring", as well as "hot", "sexy" and "gentle" - Jackie (SIF) - "an under-appreciated king", "handsome" and "fun", and Frances (MB) - a "real badass" and "one of the best LIs in MB".
So, time to replay your favourite book and try out one of these Lis instead than your usual one!
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💎Question 6: If you could eat or drink one thing from the RC universe, what would you choose?

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Max (MB) might no longer hold the crown of most loved LI in the game, but his cooking skills still hold strong. A whopping 37.2% of the people in this community would eat anything he prepares. Getting drunk on Glyft at the HS Academy takes second spot with 23.1% of the preferences, while a sugar rush after a light BDSM session in CY is all what the 13.2% of us want, completing this delicious podium.
In fourth place is pizza with a bunch of MHS friends, fifth is potential death - as long as ice cream and Jake from WP are involved - and sixth is Anthony Wood's juice at one of his epic MHS parties.
Dinner at the SOS circus is seventh, chosen by a fearless 3% of the community, while canapés at a jewellery fashion show in Q30 score the eighth and last place.
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💎Question 7: If you could spend a weekend in any RC story, would you:

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An entire weekend in the RC universe! What mischief is our community planning to get up to?
It looks like HS is once again top of the list, with over 38% of players willing to test their wings and get some strange and possibly corrosive blue liquid down their unclaimed throats. But LOW's gorgeous backgrounds and atmospheric setting have convinced the 16% of us to go explore a Japanese village, and possibly meet some mysterious cutie. Adelaide and her SIF crew navigate steadily in third place: 10.7% of us would follow them over the edge of the world and beyond.
In fourth place is a spot of murder mystery fun in CY, as 10.3% of us would happily explore a British family mansion - bloodshed possible but not guaranteed. A diplomatic trip with the Q30 Sagar Royal Court appeals to the 6.1% of us, especially if a romantic sunset is on the bill. The quaint and frankly unsettling SOS woods do not scare the 5.7% of us, but as long as no one picks up a nice bouquet of flowers, we should all be ok. In seventh place is our favourite vampire popstar Benny Bart (MB) performing at the Taste of the Night, while eighth is a dance marathon in SBR, inclusive of a trip to romantic Paris. Tarino's somewhat unusual directorial skills in MHS score ninth place, while hot surfers in WP's Miami end up last.
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💎Question 8: If you could get more episodes of a series that has now ended, which one would you choose?

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It's time to go down memory lane! We loved all the stories that RC has now completed, but which one we miss the most?
Side note: SIF and WP were still ongoing when this survey was first opened hence they are not featured in this list.
Horror story SOS takes a clear lead, with over 47% of our community wishing we could get more adventures with MC and her friends. MB is second, with a healthy 34% of readers wishing to spend more time in the company of vampires and werewolves. Q30 is third, with 13.3% of readers missing its Royal Palace and all the intrigue coming with it, and last but not least is comedy MHS, which is missed by 5.4% of this community.
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And now, some questions about this community's gaming habits:
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💎Question 9: How do you usually approach LI relationships?

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This question had a fairly split response between those who date a few LIs but ultimately choose only one (48.9%) and those who are fiercely monogamous from the start (42.4%). A healthy 8.7% of the readers prefer instead to play the field and date as many LIs as the gameplay will allow. And with so many great characters to choose from, that's hardly a surprise!
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💎Question 10: Would you play a book that has a male MC?

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We all know that at the moment all RC stories are gender-locked with a female MC. But what does the community think? Would we play a book with a male MC? The majority is in favour, with 61.9% of the responders answering with a resounding YES.
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💎Question 11: Do you use the RC wiki on Fandom?

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Our amazing fan-written Romance Club wiki recently celebrated 100 pages!
It sounds like a whopping 78.8% of this community uses the wiki, while about 14.1% did not know it existed (so we hope you are using it now!) and 7.1% are true daredevils who play without any wiki help.
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💎Question 12: What genre of story do you enjoy the most?

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With new stories always coming up, we were curious to know which genres this community enjoys the most.
Despite the game being called Romance Club, the top of the genre ranking goes to Fantasy, with a striking 74.1% of preferences. But no worries: Romance is a steady second with a great 70.8% of the votes. Third place goes to Mystery with 65.7%.
Adventure comes fourth with 55.2%, followed by Horror (42.5%), Historical (35.1%), Science Fiction (29.1%) and finally Comedy (26.4%).
A very small number of people (too little to make percentage) also asked for drama, thriller, detective/crime, heist/spy, high school/teens, superheroes, zombies and time travel. All great ideas!
The community has spoken though: RC, give us elves and gnomes and medieval tales of debauchery and magic!
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💎Question 13: How long have you been playing Romance Club for?

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We were curious to know for how long we all have been playing this game we love. The survey showed a good mix of old and new readers, with a clear tendency towards long-term reading, which makes us so very happy to know we are all just equally addicted.
36% stated that they have been playing for over a year, 23.6% for more than six months, 17.8% for more than three months, 16.1% for more than one month and 6.4% for less than a month. Welcome one and all, we hope you are all going to be here for the long haul!
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💎Question 14: How did you find out about the game Romance Club?

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The main way in which our community has found out about RC is through the app store/google play store (70.9%). Another subreddit is a source for 13.5% of us (we probably have to say thank you to our friends at Lovestruck and Choices!) while a friend recommended the game to 8.7% of us.
Instagram (3%) and Facebook (1.5%) are also popular sources, but 2.4% of us arrived to the game through adverts, which is to us the most interesting data since in the mod team we haven't personally seen any adverts for this game - ever - so if anyone has screenshots, please post them in the comments, we are super curious!
Some users (too few to make percentage) also mentioned videos and memes on TikTok or Youtube, Google Search, Tumblr, Twitter, Vkontakte or even their own sister(s) as a source.
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💎Question 15: Which operating system do you play the game on?

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The majority of this community plays on Android (57.7%) while 42.3% play on iOS.
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💎Question 16: Which other story games do you play?

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Here are the top-10 story app games we play in this community, aside from RC.
Unsurprisingly, market leader Choices comes first with 53.3% of the votes. Another giant in the field, Episodes, comes second - although with quite a substantially smaller percentage of votes, clocking at 28.1%. The top-three is completed by UK TV show-inspired Love Island with the 24.6%.
Chapters is the fourth most played game at 24.2%, followed by Lovestruck and Love Sick - tied at 16.1%. Moments is sixth at 13.1%, new entry on the market Stories: Love and choices follows in seventh with 5.3%, Journeys is eighth with 4.7% and The Arcana is ninth with 2.6%. The top-ten is completed by Tabou Stories: Love Episodes in a tie with Originals - both at 1.2%.
Some also reminisced about Storyscapes (gone too soon but not forgotten!) and many other game apps were mentioned but by too few people to make up for an accountable percentage. We surely discovered some games we had never heard of before, though, including: Fictif, Heart's Choice, Everlasting Summer, Fancy Love, Romance: Stories and choices, Secrets: Game of choices, Fictions: Choose your emotions, Mystic Messenger, City of Love and many, many more... so thanks everyone for all these new suggestions!
And to that one person who selected half a dozen games and then commented with "it is a problem!" ... trust us, you are in very, very good company here!!
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And lastly, some demographics:
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💎Question 17: Where in the world are you from?

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We are a very international bunch, that's for sure! Here are the numbers:
45.5% of this community lives in Europe, 24.3% in North America, 16.9% is in Asia, 5.7% is in Central/South America, 5.3% is in Africa and 2.3% is in Australia/New Zealand. Welcome one and all! We are so happy you are here.
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💎Question 18: How old are you?

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How old are we? The survey has spoken: 44.7% is between the ages of 18 and 24; 28.1% is between 25 and 35; 21.1% is 17 or younger; 6.1 % is 36 or older.
We must admit that we did not expect so many people to be on the younger end of the spectrum! But we hope everyone - of all ages - will always find this subreddit to be a safe, welcoming and friendly place where to discuss this game we all love. We mods work hard every day to keep this the most relaxed and fun RC space on the net and we feel so lucky that you are all as awesome as you are!
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💎Question 19: What is your gender identity?

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The overwhelming majority of this community (93.5%) identifies as female, while 4.6% identifies as male, 1.3% is non-binary, 0,4% identifies as genderqueer and 0.2% marked themselves as confused.
The fact that MC is gender-locked female and that LGBTQ routes are limited in the game is certainly one of the reasons why our community is not more diverse. Hopefully RC will expand their stories to include more diverse gender choices in terms of MCs and LIs, so to allow more people to enjoy their great storytelling skills.
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💎Question 20: What is your sexual orientation?

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Here's the sexual orientation of our community:
70.1% identifies as Straight/Heterosexual
22.5% identifies as Bisexual
1.9% identifies as Lesbian/WLW
1.7% identifies as Pansexual
1.5% identifies as Gay/MLM
0.4% identifies as Aromantic
0.3% identifies as Aromantic/Bisexual
0.3% identifies as Asexual
0.3% identifies as Demisexual
0.2% identifies as Asexual/Biromantic
0.2% identifies as Asexual/Heterosexual
Once again, we hope that future plots featuring more diverse MC/LIs will attract more diverse players to our community.
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That's all folks! We hope you found these results interesting and we look forward to a new survey once we hit 5000 users! Until then... happy gaming and thanks for making this awesome community as great as it is! :)
💎 RomanceClub mods 💎
💎u/LauraVi 💎u/swankytutu 💎u/directormmn
💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎
submitted by LauraVi to RomanceClub [link] [comments]


2020.06.06 23:28 randomdyke Leaving a pretty intense faith while coming out as a lesbian (my story)

Hey folks!
I’m really grateful I found this little community (especially right now, in lockdown). I’m writing this because it feels good to write, because I want to be seen, and because I need more gay friends and community. Questions, words of support and/or resonance, and PMs welcome :)
I’m 31 years old. I was 29 when I came out to myself and have started coming out to friends and family over the last 13 months. At the same time as realizing I was gay, I also left the religion where since 19 years of age I’d built the start of a career and all my community. It felt like dying and being reborn, the non-evangelical version. ;P
It was fucked up because I was always too scared to look too deeply into myself (or experiment with girls) because I’d internalized compulsory heterosexuality and homophobic messages so hard from my religious and fairly conservative upbringing. I remember feeling scared and trying to block out times I’d felt feelings or had sexy dreams about women. I even had massive guilt about masturbation, fearing it would become an addiction and compromise my spiritual health.
I’d had a kind of spiritual awakening experience of sorts in university, and dragged myself to a local church because I thought it was the spiritual thing to do. After graduation, I lived as a kind of “urban missionary” (which basically involved living below the poverty line because social justice), dividing my time between church ministry, community volunteering, and taking classes at a local seminary. I soon left all my high school and non-religious university friends behind and formed a kind of cocoon around myself. I remember people asking me if I was gonna become a nun, which had never appealed or occurred to me (that was a Catholic thing, anyway, and I was Protestant), but I knew I wanted to live a life of ministry in some way. I thought if I devoted as much of my life to God as possible, that I’d be happy. Turns out the opposite sort of happened.
I became best friends with one of the women I lived with in our “intentional community”, fell in love with her, couldn’t imagine life without her. And the stronger my feelings became, the more I grew terrified and ashamed of them, because it was getting harder to suppress them and deny how hella gay they were.
When it became clear that I had same-sex attraction, I was terrified. It felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath me. I thought it would mean I could never be happy and never be able to live a spiritually rich and fulfilling life. Being godly meant marrying a man, and everyone I reached out to for help either gaslit me or deflected my concerns to other things (my relationship with God, my self-esteem, my identity as a woman). I remember researching faith-based therapy resources, only to find conversion-therapy-based counselling and testimonies. These websites called homosexuality “unwanted same-sex attraction” and attributed it to things like childhood trauma, codependency, and idolatry (making a friendship more important than God). Meanwhile, the community around me vocally denounced same-sex marriage, saw homosexuality and bisexuality as sins, and taught young people that sex and sexuality were dangerous outside a hetero, monogamous marriage.
Leaving that religious bubble felt like a breakup, but it was so healthy for me. Living in a new place, with a secular job, gave me the space to finally reckon with both my beliefs and my sexuality that had been repressed for so long.
And in the midst of all this, my younger brother came out as gay; and a few years later, my older sister told me she was bisexual, that she and her fiance had opened up their relationship so that she could explore BDSM with other people. To this day we joke about how our “good Christian family” turned out to be hella queer.
Coming out to myself happened gradually. Dating men never stopped feeling like pulling teeth, and I was worried at how much I hated it. More than that, I felt like I had no sexual energy, no desires, no wants - no life energy. I questioned whether I was asexual, but I figured an asexual would not want to have sex and feel so hung up about it. I felt like I deserved a satisfying, shame-free sex life, I just wasn’t excited about the prospect of sex with men at all.
Then I made a new friend with whom I had great chemistry and similar intellectual interests. We talked about everything from religion to politics to myth to philosophy and psychology. Then one day she asked me why I’ve never talked about any of my past lovers, and asked me whether I was queer or asexual or something. I told her that I was still trying to figure that part out. She was the first person to ever acknowledge the lack of love in my life and be nonjudgmentally curious about it.
Coming out has been terrifying and grief-filled, but way better received than I'd expected. I’ve had to come out as an atheist and a lesbian. I’m seeing my old life and relationships with new eyes, and realizing how out of aligned with my core self I was...because showing my true self wasn’t safe before. Getting into the dating scene has been nerve-wracking and strange, but fun and exciting, too. And I have my sense of self and life energy back. I’m changing and becoming more powerful the more I lean into the real me.
And if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading all the way! Hope to see you around the subreddit. :)
submitted by randomdyke to latebloomerlesbians [link] [comments]


2020.04.26 18:46 LesSub What do you think about consensual slavery? Is it OK as a Christian?

Hey all. Bored now and having to ask this since it's been bugging me. This seems like a good open-minded Christian community to ask. Sorry if anyone gets a bit aghast at this, I know it's a pretty unusual situation to anyone vanilla, even if LGBT.
I'm a lesbian and a Christian. I've been a Christian my whole life so I had issues coming out. I at first decided I was going to be celibate, and that clearly didn't work out. I dated some girls in college but it never ended well. A couple years ago I met an older woman (I was 24, she was 36) who I still found absolutely gorgeous, and we hit it off. She was financially way better off than me (she's a pharmacist), so she let me move into her house for free. Early in the relationship she told me she was heavy into BDSM in the past as a domme, and we experimented with it. Turned out I was a perfect sub. I kept letting boundaries fade, and pretty soon I was willing to totally submit to her as her slave, which I have done.
I no longer see myself as her girlfriend, more as a pet. Because of this she's allowed to have other sexual partners, while I am not. I live with her and she provides all my needs, while I have a job my pay gets deposited into a bank account she controls, and she pays my student loans and transfers a stipend to an account I control. I basically have no issues with money. She requires me to be naked in the house at all times, and since I haven't left the house in a few weeks under quarantine and working at home, this means I haven't worn any clothes for that time. I'll probably find clothes uncomfortable putting them on again. She doesn't let me look at porn or even see any woman naked except for her (or any other partner she has she wants to me to join in with), in fact if we're watching something like Game of Thrones back when it was running or a movie together and there's any nudity she'll place her hands over my eyes. This was hard at first, but as someone who struggled with porn reliance I'm now very thankful it's no longer an issue. I won't give NSFW details but there's plenty of punishment and kinky play I'm submitted to. And she actually got me to start attending church again, while I fell out of this in college dating women, when we discussed it she decided that it was beneficial for my mental and emotional health. So she gave a condition: Attend a church at least twice a month for six months or face punishment. I did, and found an accepting community now which I love and am thankful she did this. Prior to this she was only a Christmas and Easter Christian but has started attending with me more now and now "attends" with me to their virtual services. People are church know we are a couple, but not of the full nature of our relationship.
While I don't really mind having to hide it, it does make me wonder what they would think. Is this a sin? Christians should stand against slavery and oppression, is this a form of it? Just thoughts I've been having. I don't feel abused or oppressed and totally enjoy this, but I can't help with lingering thoughts that it's not something God wants us in. However it's also why I'm back regularly going to church, having a relationship with God and being free of porn. So seeking some thoughts, thanks!
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2020.03.24 14:19 NoFCHelp495827592 Wish I Was Asexual: I Feel So Utterly Hopeless

Hey, /NoFapChristians. I need prayer.
I'm really frustrated right now. I've tried to quit all forms of pornography within the past two weeks. But I keep being tempted to come back to it: over, and over, and over. I mentally understand why pornography (commercial/amateurs sharing pictures of themselves to people online) is intrinsically wrong. (For one thing: I've realized this week that you can never be sure that any footage is taken with full consent... nevedon't watched it... but look at the GirlsDP lawsuit filed a couple of months ago. Similar stories of ex/-BF's releasing pictures/videos of their partners online should sadly be a cliche by now. You can report stuff like GDP if you come across it. I have. Think Pornhub really cares, though? I don't. They just care about the money.)
But I'm utterly struggling to put my recognition into action. I have a mental condition that causes me to have a hard time grasping social cues/skills. So I've essentially gone my entire life without any close friends, dates, or companionship. And my family has been the only people who have really cared for me. I've never had an opportunity to become a man. I don't feel like I'm mentally progressing at all. It's gotten worse. How long? I now keep watching/searching it for hours...
...every day.
Is there some good news? Partially. I guess. Everything I watch would probably be considered very "softcore" in nature (e.g. I'll just masturbate to nudes, artsy-type photos, relatively mild stuff, etc... it's just weird to me that people watch another girl get penetrated by another male as they jerk off anyway... it's kind of, yeah.) Kinks? nothing weird except light BDSM/dom stuff. But I'm not sure if that's even considered weird anymore.) So it's not like I have a ton of weird/psychologically perverted fetishes. The most I have is one of two fetishes (e.g. above) that is "totally ok lagally, but your mom/a good portion of people probably wouldn't approve of." If that makes sense.
Probably more vanilla than most people.
Anyways, I just wish God would provide some pleasure/lessen the sex drive of those not in a lifelong biblical partnership. Because my sex drive is extremely high. I think of sex, essentially, 24/7. And it seems like I'm forced to biologically long for something I will never be able to obtain. It feels like it is going to be impossible for me to find a female partner. How am I supposed to wait another decade?
I wonder why I'm cursed with being heterosexual. At least it feels that way.
Why? Because:
Am I not saved/regenerated in the first place? Why do I keep coming back? I mentally tell myself that I'm sorry. But I wonder whether I'm being repentant in the first place. Why do I keep coming back? If we sincerely ask God: isn't he supposed to internally change our hearts? Am I sincere in the first place?
You get what I'm saying? Having a sex drive at all repulses me. I've never been popular, or liked, or even had a female friend in my entire life, so porn is a very strong addictive illusory comfort to me. It sounds pathetic. And it probably is. But I feel like my situation is totally hopeless. It terrifies me.
The current situation in the world is only making my addiction worse. I'm stuck in my home. I have an extremely high sex drive. So abstaining from porn seems nearly impossible for me. Why does God put us through this? I don't understand... just pray for me, I don't know. I don't pay/purchase any porn. But it's so easy to just go on Pornhub, NSFW Reddit, XHamster, etc. and start back over again.
For free... probably will post on it again tomorrow... just need a ton of prayers.
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